Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one small little bit, just a taste, and sip it.

Just to be on the safe side, since the quality of the tequila is so important, pour a cup and try again. When you are satisfied that it is just right, give it another sample for good measure and then you are ready.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. The fruit is moving. Stop moving…

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.


Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a hoot. Check the Jose Cuervo, very impotent step. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven. Over there. Waaaay over there.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat the turner thingy with the round-deelybob.

Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.

Cherry Mistmas !

World Peace?

This topic has been on my mind for the past few weeks, I think it's time I get it off my chest. You hear it almost every time when listening to Holiday
music. People asking for world peace in their songs. World peace is a bunch of horseshit, plane and simple. It's an imaginary idea, one that will never
come true. Besides, look around you. Every day, while you're out and about, doing whatever it is you do, notice the problems around you. People cutting
each other off in traffic, people flipping each other off at traffic lights, people mugging other people, the list goes on and on. We can't even get along
in our own country, these artists are the most delusional pakc of morons ever. If there was world peace, the newspapers and other forms of media would
have very little or nothing to report on. We don't need world peace, we need disorderr and violence. They make things exciting, and it gives us something
to talk about. If you had to choose between talking about the National flower convention, or the latest blood bath in Iraq, wouldn't you'd rather discuss
the ladder? Explosives and corpses are far more interesting a subject matter than a flower. Also, we need coruption. This is another topic that provokes
entertaining conversation. Instead of hearing about how the Nation of Islam has decided to be nice to everyone, wouldn't you rather discuss a crooked political
figure in your state? Things like stealing government money for personal usage, taking bribes to cover up crimes, engaging in prostitution, and doing a
horrible job as a political figure are far more interesting conversations then say, people helping each other out. Discussing kindness is nice in small
doses, but that's all.

Bubbapalooza Starring Ned at The Florida theater In Jacksonville, Florida

Bubba The Love Sponge® brought his insane brand of entertainment to the Florida Theater this past Saturday in beautiful Jacksonville Florida, to an awesome crowd. Before I get started with this review, I'd like to offer up a big thanks to Rob and Rochelle from Richmand Virginia, who were nice enough to take me to the show. The show was a blast, here's how it all went down. We arrived at the theater around 4:40. While waiting for our tickets, I met Miller and Manson, who both thanked me for coming out. Manson asked how I got to the show, and I jokingly said I drove, and he shot back with, "Shouldn't that be illegal?" I met a bunch of people while waiting for the tickets, Bonnie from Buffalo Grove, for instants. After getting our tickets, we were given bags packed with stuff (Bubbapalooza Jacksonville shirt, TSS-Radio shirt, a flyer for clips4sale.com, keychains, and a pass to Bubbaraw.com). Once inside, first person I met was Spiceboy, who thanked me for coming out. While we were chatting, he took my cane and playfully hit me with it. Next I met Brent. I wished him the best of luck on his throat surgery (Brent had a pee sized sist on his vocal chords that was removed earlier today), he thanked me for that, and also thanked me for coming to the show. After going to the second floor, I met Tom the Treeman (the show's punchingbag) and Carl haris (he does promos for the show's various contests). From there I met Janie Cakes (Bubba's Mom), Tara (Bubba's Sister), and Jeff (Bubba's step Dad). You know you're doing a great thing for the show when both Janie and Tara give you props. I talked with Manson again, then it was on to Bubba. He thanked me for coming out, gave me an eargrip and took a picture. I then met Heather, Bubba's wife, she was very nice and also took a picture. Before the show I hung out with some fans, met B-Fudd, who marked out, and when I asked him to say my name, he said "blind Laura". Jesse James Dupree, a good friend of the show, kicked things off with his band Dixy Inc, their set was at least forty-five minutes. About fifteen minutes later, the show started. First Ned welcomed us, then Hulk, then the live stuff began. Manson came on and sang a song welcoming us to the show, to the tune of "Song 2" by Blur. Spice came out and welcomed us to the show, drunk and high. He bagged on Bubba, Hogan's divorce, then brought on Miller, the Executive Producer of Content for Bubba Raw. Miller did some stand-up, comparing how a regular company handles you when you screw up VS. how the BRN treats you.

Regular company

• First screwup - Verbal warning


• Second screwup - written warning


• Third screwup - Suspention

How the BRN does it, from Miller's experiences.

• First screwup - consume a pubic hair berito


• Second screwup - asshole shocked


• Third screwup - Cameraman for homeless ball licking

After his set, Spice came back on and introduced Brent. Brent thanked everyone for coming, then went write into his set, which is a spoken word rootine. He discussed three things that will help the economy.

• Legalize gammbling


• Legalize prostitution


• Relegalize marijuana

He explained how all three would increase money for everyone. He said how when you're on marijuana, all you want to do is eat. He dedicated his set to Henry Rollins, then introduced Manson. Manson came out dressed as justin timberlake, and did "Bringing Fatass Back", which is on both "Bubba Show classics Vol. 2" and "Bubba Show classics Vol. 6", tracks 2 and 5, respectively. The song makes fun of Bubba's increasing weight, with 25 Cent filling the Timberland roll. After that he did a King Bubba rootine (the voice sounds like Stewie from Family Guy). he said how Bubba will make an army, but charge them money for the uniform. he then said how the show has gotten some strange callers over the years (Calvin the Cowfucker from Friday July 6, 2007, George The Shitter from Monday march 13, 2006, The Ham Bandet from Wednesday March 19, 2008, and the Ham Fucker from Thursday April 3, 2008). He then went into an imaginary situation where a caller wanted to sell a video tape of Big Foot licking peanut butter off of his Sister's pussy to TMZ, and he wanted Bubba's spin on it. We then heard a drop of the late Evil Knievel saying "Stop calling me on the phone, you motherfucker!" He then said how he's the only guy left who fucks his wife, he then said how that should be a TV show on the Discovery channel, "The hunt for the only guy left who fucks his wife". He did a Crock Hunter impersonation, and said how they've been traveling for three weeks, but were unable to find the guy who fucks his wife. When they do, their gonna kill him, as he's spoiling all the fun. He then said how he's sick of hearing about aids, and his advice was to not fuck your lover in the ass. He then said how it must be bad carma to be a fly in Africa. "Bzzz, there's no food here. Bzzzz, they're fucking each other in the ass." he then performed "You Love Nascar", a parody of "Allstar" by Smash Mouth. It originally appeared on the now out off print double album "The todd Clem Project", released on Tuesday November 7, 2000 (disc 2, track 9). It is available on "Bubba Show classics Vol. 3", track 11. Spice came back on and announced it was breaktime.

During the break, I got my picture taken with Stormy Daniels, a pornstar and good friend of the show. Once back inside, I met Pantera, a man who I shaved during the Blind Olympics on Wednesday July 16, 2008. I then met Jabberjaw, a woman who was fired from Bubba's radio rival MJ Kelli. The second set started, and Bubba came out, thanked the fans, then proceeded to express his displeasure with Sirius satellite radio, MJ Kelli, and Lex and Terry. He brought out the girls (his Mom, his Sister, his wife, Brent's wife Amanda, Dave Rice's wife Tiffany, and Manson's wife Donna). he then introduced a guy named Frogger, real name Denzil Louis. Denzil has known Bubba for twenty plus years, and is a cop in Indiana, Bubba's hometown. Frogger was booed relentlessly throughout his set, which lacked substance. Denzil then introduced 25, who said how working at the BRN is like being an animal in a lion's cage, comparing Bubba calling someone to the studio like a lion selecting which animal to eat first. Bubba came back on and did a rap song called "40s and Blunts", something he did back in the Power Pig days. The track appeared first on the now out of print album "Bubba's boys With The Base" track 4, however it does appear on "On The chip" disc 1, track 21 as a hidden track. He then brought up Hammel, a guy who he's known for years. hammel owned the website Voyordorm.com for a while, he sold the company last year for $17,000,000. He said he found a pair of panties ins spiceboy's suitcase, which he then proceeded to insert in his mouth. He then played a song called "Spiceboy dreams Of fucking Heather", parody of "Friends In Low Places" by Garth Brooks. They then brought out B-Fudd from Seattle, a mentally retarded man who is an all-around good sport. As he entered the stage, we heard the last few notes to "Also sprach Zarathustra" by Richard Strauss, which was used in the opening credits to "2001: A Space Odyssey". He came on stage and said "To all the people who kicked me around during school, fuck you." He had a joke (What's the difference between me and George W. Bush? I'm more retarded than George W. Bush.) Bubba came back on and was ready to torture Tom The Treeman, when he noticed my cane sticking up. he said, "Blind Lawrence, can you see anything from where you are? All I see is your big fucking stick." He then asked the audience if he knew who I was, a good portion of the people made some noise, and he then proceeded to say how this guy knows everything about the catalog. He can tell you any talk break, where it's at in the iTunes library, he's amazing. The torture of the Treeman began - tator mits, a plate of tax, then some rubbing alcohol. The headliner was introduced - Ned. The lights were turned down, and he came out and said "I am Neddly Mandingo, and I...am a chicken fucker!" He then broke into "Flap Flap" found on "Ned's Parody songs Vol. 1", track 25, a parody of "Smack that" by Akon. The song describes how Ned fucks chickens. After that he called Brent Hatley to the stage to wish him best of luck on his surgery, but Brent didn't come out. In retalliation, Ned did a mini Brent Hatley concert. It's an homage to the Bababbooey songs on the Howard Stern show, the songs say Brent Hatley over and over again. Here's what his mini concert consisted of.

• "Hatley Impossible", track 16 on "Ned's Tribute To Brent Hatley"


• "Black Hatley", track 4 on "N.F.C"


• "Hatley Deeds", track 14 on "Ned's Tribute To Brent Hatley", and 16 on "N.F.C"


• "Hatley 5-0", track 15 on "Ned's Tribute To Brent Hatley"

After that, Ned then did some stand-up which was very George Carlin-esque. It focused on how magical certain words and phrases are. While dingleberry is a dumb word, it's a beautiful insult. the phrase "sucks donkey dicks" is an excellent phrase with an excelent visual, and cum is a great thing. He said how Terri Schiavo is really every man's dream woman. She never talks, she's got a liquid brain, and she's always happy to see you. "Terri I'm home, blink twice if you don't want me to fuck you." He then did "Radiostar" from "Ned's Parody Songs Vol. 2", track 16, and is a parody of "Rockstar" by Nickelback, where Ned bags on Bubba. As the finale, he did "Acid On My tongue" from "Ned's Parody Songs Vol. 1", track 12, a parody of "Blister In the Sun" by Violent Femmes, which describes various situations that happened to Ned while under some substances. Bubba came out for the final time, thanked the fans, and the show was over. All and all it was a great night, one that will truly go down in history as one of the coolest events I've ever seen.

Bubba's Official Website

BubbaRaw.com

BubbaArmy.com

President Obama's speech in Chicago

Here is Obama's speech after he won the election.

McCaine Concedes

Last night in Arizona, John McCaine made the following speech.

"Thank you. Thank you, my friends. Thank you for coming here on this beautiful Arizona evening.
My friends, we have -- we have come to the end of a long journey. The American people have spoken, and they have spoken clearly.
A little while ago, I had the honor of calling Senator Barack Obama to congratulate him.
To congratulate him on being elected the next president of the country that we both love.
In a contest as long and difficult as this campaign has been, his success alone commands my respect for his ability and perseverance. But that he managed to do so by inspiring the hopes of so many millions of Americans who had once wrongly believed that they had little at stake or little influence in the election of an American president is something I deeply admire and commend him for achieving.
This is an historic election, and I recognize the special significance it has for African-Americans and for the special pride that must be theirs tonight.
I've always believed that America offers opportunities to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too.
But we both recognize that, though we have come a long way from the old injustices that once stained our nation's reputation and denied some Americans the full blessings of American citizenship, the memory of them still had the power to wound.
A century ago, President Theodore Roosevelt's invitation of Booker T. Washington to dine at the White House was taken as an outrage in many quarters.
America today is a world away from the cruel and frightful bigotry of that time. There is no better evidence of this than the election of an African-American to the presidency of the United States.
Let there be no reason now...
Let there be no reason now for any American to fail to cherish their citizenship in this, the greatest nation on Earth.
Senator Obama has achieved a great thing for himself and for his country. I applaud him for it, and offer him my sincere sympathy that his beloved grandmother did not live to see this day. Though our faith assures us she is at rest in the presence of her creator and so very proud of the good man she helped raise.
Senator Obama and I have had and argued our differences, and he has prevailed. No doubt many of those differences remain.
These are difficult times for our country. And I pledge to him tonight to do all in my power to help him lead us through the many challenges we face.
I urge all Americans...
I urge all Americans who supported me to join me in not just congratulating him, but offering our next president our good will and earnest effort to find ways to come together to find the necessary compromises to bridge our differences and help restore our prosperity, defend our security in a dangerous world, and leave our children and grandchildren a stronger, better country than we inherited.
Whatever our differences, we are fellow Americans. And please believe me when I say no association has ever meant more to me than that.
It is natural. It's natural, tonight, to feel some disappointment. But tomorrow, we must move beyond it and work together to get our country moving again.
We fought -- we fought as hard as we could. And though we feel short, the failure is mine, not yours.
I am so deeply grateful to all of you for the great honor of your support and for all you have done for me. I wish the outcome had been different, my friends.
The road was a difficult one from the outset, but your support and friendship never wavered. I cannot adequately express how deeply indebted I am to you.
I'm especially grateful to my wife, Cindy, my children, my dear mother...
... my dear mother and all my family, and to the many old and dear friends who have stood by my side through the many ups and downs of this long campaign.
I have always been a fortunate man, and never more so for the love and encouragement you have given me.
You know, campaigns are often harder on a candidate's family than on the candidate, and that's been true in this campaign.
All I can offer in compensation is my love and gratitude and the promise of more peaceful years ahead.
I am also -- I am also, of course, very thankful to Governor Sarah Palin, one of the best campaigners I've ever seen...
... one of the best campaigners I have ever seen, and an impressive new voice in our party for reform and the principles that have always been our greatest strength...
... her husband Todd and their five beautiful children...
... for their tireless dedication to our cause, and the courage and grace they showed in the rough and tumble of a presidential campaign.
We can all look forward with great interest to her future service to Alaska, the Republican Party and our country.
To all my campaign comrades, from Rick Davis and Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter, to every last volunteer who fought so hard and valiantly, month after month, in what at times seemed to be the most challenged campaign in modern times, thank you so much. A lost election will never mean more to me than the privilege of your faith and friendship.
I don't know -- I don't know what more we could have done to try to win this election. I'll leave that to others to determine. Every candidate makes mistakes, and I'm sure I made my share of them. But I won't spend a moment of the future regretting what might have been.
This campaign was and will remain the great honor of my life, and my heart is filled with nothing but gratitude for the experience and to the American people for giving me a fair hearing before deciding that Senator Obama and my old friend Senator Joe Biden should have the honor of leading us for the next four years.
Please. Please.
I would not -- I would not be an American worthy of the name should I regret a fate that has allowed me the extraordinary privilege of serving this country for a half a century.
half a century.
Today, I was a candidate for the highest office in the country I love so much. And tonight, I remain her servant. That is blessing enough for anyone, and I thank the people of Arizona for it.
Tonight -- tonight, more than any night, I hold in my heart nothing but love for this country and for all its citizens, whether they supported me or Senator Obama -- whether they supported me or Senator Obama.
I wish Godspeed to the man who was my former opponent and will be my president. And I call on all Americans, as I have often in this campaign, to not despair of our present difficulties, but to believe, always, in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here.
Americans never quit. We never surrender.
We never hide from history. We make history.
Thank you, and God bless you, and God bless America. Thank you all very much."

However, upon further examination, here's what he was really trying to tell the American people.

"My fellow Americans, we've reached the end of the political road to the Whitehouse, and because of my old age, my eyesight going down the toilet like the Economy, and because I made a wrong turn at Albuquerque, we hit a wall, just like Dale Earnheart did all those years ago. I would like to congradulate Obama for going the extra mile and heading to the Whitehouse, but if I would, I'd be a god damn liar, something I am not. Our next president is a representation of the Democratic party, a party whose mascot is a jackass, which is what he is. When we talked on the phone earlier, I tried everything to not slam the phone down. I gridded my denchers and damn near bit my tongue off. This is bullshit. I think he stole the Election from me, I want a recount. That being said, I would like to express my gratitude towards Governer Sarah Palin from Alaska, and her husband and children, but that retarded one really irks me, he drueled all over my collection of swords I got over in Nam, not to mention, my prized Yellow boots, which I made from a dead Charlie's skin. My fellow Americans, I am outta here, and to the young man in the green shirt and yellow shorts, turn off your god damn cell phone!"

President Obama

It's official: Barack Obama is the newest President. It's time for change. Congradulations to Obama.

"Finally, the Republican beast elephant brought to it's fucking knees." - Bill Hicks

This is rough

Several weeks ago, Family Guy took a sharp stab at the McCaine campaign.

Taking a break from Politics

While it is Election day, I figure we need a break from all this political talk. Here are some videos you might enjoy.

"Hey There dumb Bubba", parody of "Hey There Delilah". Manson from the Bubba The Love Sponge® show bags on Bubba.



Beetlejuice from the Howard Stern show sings some Michael Jackson tunes.



Family Guy: while reconstructing a house, Stewie attempts to communicate with Brian via two-way radio, and in the process, drives Brian insane for not saying "over".



Triumph the Insult comic dog, gives the weather report for Hawaii.



Jim Gaffigan does some stand-up on the Letterman show.



Chris Berman loses his cool.



Now for an extremely politically incorrect joke:

A guy from Arabia comes to the United States, and gets very ill. He goes to doctor after doctor, none of them know what's wrong with him. He finally goes to an Indian doctor. the doctor gives him a bucket, and tells him to piss and shit in it, then breathe in the sent for twenty seconds. He does it, and feels much better. He says "Thanks doc, I feel excellent, what was the problem?" The doctor says, "You were home sick."

Have a good day.

Philli fans don't fuck around

If you go to any sporting game in Philadelphia and you make yourself look like an ass, the Philli fans are gonna call you out as such. It's obvious who these particular people are pulling for.

Happy Birthday

Freckles, the family Bassett Hound celebrates a birthday today, eight years old. We adopted him from another family six years ago. He's not exactly the smartest dog in the world, but we love him.

White Cane Safety Day

Today is a very important day for blind or visually impaired people. Today is National White Cane Safety day, which raises awareness to sighted people about The White Cane law. Official White Cane Day website. Lion's club on white Cane Day. Stricter by-laws sought for footpaths. AMERICAN COUNCIL OF THE BLIND on White Cane Day.

Happy Birthday to Jim Rome

Today, radio personallity Jim rome celebrates a birthday, 44 years old today.

Here is the infamous moment from his ESPN2 TV show where Jim Everett physically attacked him.





Jim Rome's Official Website

Here is comedian Frank Caliendo impersonating Rome.

Happy Birthday to Sacha Baron Cohen

Today, Borat creator Sacha Baron Cohen celebrates a birthday today, 38 years old today.


Here is a clip from his HBO show, the infamous "Throw the Jew Down the Well" song.

Blast from The past: Frank Zappa on Crossfire

From 1986, here is the late Frank Zappa on Crossfire.

20 Years Ago Today...

Lloyd Bentsen, the democratic vice presidential pick of Michael Dukakis, debated Dan Quayle, the Republican Vice President pick of George H. W. Bush. Here's the infamous "you're No Jack Kennedy" moment from that debate.

A More Realistic Look On Religion

Send this to all those people who send you all that religious crap in your inbox.

Note: I didn't write this, this was sent to me in an e-mail.

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous On the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous,
I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1)Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2)There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3)There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4)Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.

6)We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.

7)The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.

8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.

9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."

11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, 'take this and eat it for it is my body.' He did not say "Eat me"

12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.

14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST.Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

THE GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY

Note: I didn't come up with this, this is something I got in an e-mail.

The GEORGE W. BUSH PRESIDENTIAL LIBRARY is now in the planning stages. The Library will include:

The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has yet been able to find.

The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.

The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.

The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.

The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.

The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.

The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.

The Tax Cut Room with entry restricted only to the wealthy.

The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.

The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.

The Iraq War Room. After you complete your first tour, they make you to go back for a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth tour.

The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.

The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty, but very warm.

The Supreme Court Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.

The Decider Room complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.

Additionally, the museum will have an electron microscope to help you locate the President's accomplishments.

Admission: Republicans - free; Democrats - $1000 or 3 Euros.

Old Photos...kind of

Here are two pictures of me, both taken on Saturday November 5, 2005.

In Memory Of Carlin...

Today marks the twelve year aniversury of Carlin's ninth HBO special being released on CD. The special "Back In Town" was the first of several Carlin HBO specials to be performed at The Beacon Theater.

Click here to purchase from iTunes

Click here to purchase from Amazon.com

Pink floyd is down another member

In July of 2006, former lead singger Syd Barrett died. Now today, another member has gone to the Dark Side Of the Moon. Richard wright, has died from cancer. Richard Wright Dead At Age 65

Click on the button below to hear Pink Floyd's "Wish You Were Here", from the album of the same name, released thirty-three years ago today.